Post by sazzy on Apr 8, 2008 14:23:37 GMT
For all those fan fic writers out there I have made a character timeline for each major character. Each one can be found on the appropriate character forum. I have also made a episode by episode rundown to help make the timelines to make sense. If something doesn't make sense feel free to pm me and ask! I'm going to keep all the timelines/episode guide on my computer so if anyone would like a copy in a word format feel free to pm with an email address and I would be happy to forward it on. Happy writing 
Series 1
Laying the Foundations
It is Brittas’ first day at Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre. He starts the day off at home by causing an argument with his children and then with his new neighbour Pam. His wife spends the day explaining what her husband is like. Throughout his first day Brittas manages to upset the builders, (who go on strike) Councillor Dapping (the Head of the Borough Recreational Committee and the majority of the staff (many of whom resign). He ends the day being attacked during a meeting by the table tennis teacher (who throws sharpened table tennis bats and tables at him) and has his car filled with concrete.
Opening Day
It is the day that Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre is due to be opened by the Duchess of Kent. The Centre is plagued by problems; the builders discovered the swimming pool is losing 400gallons of water an hour and the boiler is not working properly. Furthermore the boiler man is an ex-navy stoker who thinks he’s back on a ship especially when the swimming pool water drips into the boiler room so he works harder to stoke up the boiler using any. Whilst all this is happening the building starts to get hotter, they are unable to open any windows and the doors have broken down. The Boy Scout who they ask to fix the doors passes out in the heat and the doors are locked, locking all the staff but Colin in who is left to greet The Duchess of Kent.
Bye Bye Baby
Helen Brittas spends the day looking after her ‘uncle Simon’ whilst Brittas is under the impression his marriage is perfect. A distraught Carole is keeping her baby, Ben in a drawer in reception. Laura takes her away from the desk and Brittas takes her up to his office. Laura removes the baby which then gets muddled up with a customer’s baby. Carole goes in search of the baby rampaging through the centre with a fire axe. Her husband appears and is shown the wrong baby, Brittas insults him and he leaves her. Meanwhile Ken Owen came to the centre to give a talk about Tranquillity without Drugs ends up loosing it after an afternoon with Brittas and an incident with the slide projector.
Underwater Wedding
An underwater wedding takes place at the centre. The best man gets his finger stuck in the pool whilst attempting to rescue the wedding ring, Brittas forgets about him whilst he is running out of water. Brittas is also interviewing Beverly Pearson whilst having to disappear mid interview to deal with Mr Appleby who is driving drunk around the centre in his wheelchair at speeds of 30mph. The staff try to block his way through the centre using cardboard boxes (which turn out to be full of chemicals which leak). In the process he drives through an ante-natal class sending women into labour and Colin manages to shoot Gavin with some sort of harpoon. Needless to say Beverly doesn’t take up the job and the rushing around leads Brittas to miss taking his wife out to celebrate their wedding anniversary.
Stop Thief Assassin
Brittas has shut the centre for the 4th time in a month because of things being stolen. He spends the day on a hunt for the thief of Carol’s £5, 3 biscuits, a sachet of shampoo, a pencil and a soap on a rope. He & then Colin in his place hides in a locker to find the culprit using his wallet as bait. The staff finally hang the locker out on the fire escape thinking Brittas is inside, Colin falls and breaks both legs. Helen visits the doctor to get more pills for her depression the doc suggests they have marriage counselling. After meeting Gordon the doc gives Helen stronger pills.
Final Episode Which for Some Reason Isn’t Listed In the DVD Box So I Don’t Know Its Title
Throughout the episode someone is trying to kill Brittas. The brakes are cut on his car leading to his wife crashing and breaking her arm. The mysterious wannabe murder turns out to be Larry who works with the choir which is down to its last few members because Brittas has scared them off. He ends up falling off the roof in his effort of trying to send Brittas off the roof. Brittas, in his efforts to get more visitors to the centre (they only had 43 over the previous weekend) devises the staff courtesy challenge cup in an aim to get his team more helpful to customers, the staff are not enthusiastic. Carol discovers she is pregnant during a tearful telephone call with her doctor. Brittas is run over by a treacle lorry and ends up bandaged in hospital. Laura tells Helen that although Brittas can be very annoying she quite likes him as he cares about the centre, so Helen puts the plug back in to enable his medical equipment to work again.
Series 2
Back From the Dead
Helen Brittas turns up at the centre to inform Laura that Gordon has been squashed to death by a steel press in a car factory in Bulgaria. As news gets round that Brittas isn’t at the centre the place fills up with the public. There’s been a case of mistaken identity as Brittas turns up alive. Carol and Colin think he’s some sort of Zombie that has taken Ben for everlasting youth. Carole chases him down in a digger and squashes his car with him stuck inside it before realising that he isn’t a zombie. Brittas returns home to find Helen in a wedding dress ready to marry a man who she met at Brittas’ funeral. Brittas is actually grateful to the groom and offers to buy him a drink for offering to marry Helen.
Temple of the Body
Brittas is on the warpath determined that he doesn’t want the centre to get a reputation of being a ‘knocking shop’. He finds a pair of pink knickers down the back of a sofa (left by his wife and Michael) and a bed in the resources cupboard (turns out to be Carol’s new home). To discover who is misbehaving he gets Colin to drill holes in the floor of his office to spy on the staff, however the holes actually appear over the changing rooms. The press (who are at the centre to take photos of Julie) discover the holes in the floor and end up photographing Brittas (who they think is some sort of sex maniac) and Carole in the cupboard. Whilst this is going on Carol is trying to discover who the father is of her baby is phoning up random members of a rugby team, whilst Laura and Helen discover Brittas is possibly the father.
An Inspector Calls
It is Helen Brittas’ birthday so Gordon bought his wife a moped with a helmet containing the words ‘hi I’m Helen’ on the front. She doesn’t like the present and decides to leave him. This is on the same day as an inspector comes to the centre. Brittas thinks he’s going to be sacked because of low visitor numbers. Laura persuades the staff not to give Brittas bad comments on their comment sheet for the inspector as she told them he knows he’s going to be sacked and his wife is leaving him. They give him nice comments only to discover the inspector is just like Brittas and isn’t bothered about numbers. He also seems impressed with Brittas’ ideas of using an eagle/cat/dog to remove a pigeon out of the gymnasium.
Set In Concrete
Brittas had his feet set in long lasting concrete after upsetting the Rotarians at their dinner the night before. Colin has to wheel him around the building whilst Brittas showed around a Graham Hanson to cure the building of ‘sick building syndrome.’ He ends up losing it in the gym and Brittas closed the centre until people bought pot plants in. Laura tries to explain to Brittas that he doesn’t listen to people properly. Linda calls in a stone mason to deal with the concrete but Brittas offends him.
Mums and Dads
Brittas invites a pianist from Leningrad to come and play at the centre. The piano gets stuck in the reception area before the pianist gets injured and is unable to play. Brittas ends up playing in the concert much to the disgust of the audience. Gordon’s father also appears giving insight to why Gordon is like what he is.
Safety First
The centre had been closed for a safety training exercise which Brittas had taken very seriously. During this exercise his wife, who had decided to stop taking all her medication, appeared wanting to give her husband a picnic in his office. As she set up the picnic counsellor Dapping arrived informing Brittas that he could not have a new fire escape. Brittas joined his wife for the picnic when a fire in the centre broke out, leaving the counsellor and many others to fall from the old fire escape. As Brittas deals with the centre members of staff bring him gifts of soup with broken glass in as a reminder from his wife that she is still waiting for him to join her in the picnic.
New Generations
Carol is 36weeks pregnant, Colin has given her figwort, a herb to bring on labour, and Brittas has just realised she’s pregnant. Brittas insists on the figwort being removed from the reception and it is eaten by a cow (which has been put behind the centre as the truck carrying it in has broken down). The cow goes into labour and the vet is called. Then Carol goes into labour, the vet was sent in to help her. She gives birth to twins in the sauna. Linda, the farmer and a passing gynaecologist delivers the calf in a squash court. Helen announces to Laura & Brittas she’s pregnant with twins. Laura and Helen realise that Brittas is Carol’s twins’ father.
Series 3
The Trial
Brittas is up in court on the following charges: 6 counts of murder, possession of 5 kilos of heroine and an unknown quantity of amphetamines (many of which his wife then took) and GBH of 4 people. On the day in question the centre was visited by drugs barons who shot each other after Brittas ended up taking into lost property the drugs, money and guns. He managed to talk one drugs runner into a squash tournament, it is this man with his new found belief in himself that came forward as a witness in court that finally got Brittas off.
That Creeping Feeling
Brittas has managed to upset a Lord Milbanks who immigrated to South America. He sent Brittas a poisonous South American tarantula through the post. The spider pops up around the centre as the staff slowly realise what was in the parcel and start to look for it. Brittas also upset the staff after photographing them whilst changing so that he could give them personal fitness and figure targets. They send him to Coventry until the spider bites Colin and Brittas sucked out the poison out of Colin.
Laura’s Leaving
Whilst Laura is in London for a job interview the centre turns into a disaster area: Colin comes to work with concussion and electrocutes everyone in the swimming pool, Helen is distressed, A man is waving a gun around the reception area insisting that he wants a cup of coffee, Carol is sacked and several members of staff offer to resign. Laura is offered the job much to Helens relief she turns it down.
Two Little Boys
A coach party from Guildford arrive at the centre and they all seem to want to fill in forms. Whilst Julie/Carol find them forms Laura discovers that the coach party are on a staff outing from a leisure centre in Guildford. Much to the amusement of Brittas’ team the day-trippers have a book: I Spy Brittas, which gives them points for every form they have to fill in and they can gain extra points if Brittas has to call the police etc… They must hit the jackpot as a mixture of Brittas, his visiting brother, (who has a crisis of confidence) several gallons of leaked oil and a box of fireworks lead to an almighty explosion.
Sex, Lies and Red Tape
Its Laura’s Birthday and her rich two timing husband turns up trying to woo her back with a pot plant. He wants her to have his baby she’s not keen and ends up so frustrated she shouts at Brittas before kissing him. Brittas is busy on a sponsored silence trying to raise money for a new trampoline before Laura’s husband gives the centre all the money needed much to Britta’s disgust. Helen has been shop lifting so her husband wants to take her back to the shop to apologise even though the people at the shop say it’s not necessary. Carol wrote a book but ended up giving it to the children to use as scrap paper.
The Stuff of Dreams
Brittas appeared at the centre pretending to be a 72year old Mr Didcot to see how the elderly are treated. He then tries to find someone who can follow his dream when he retired. Heavily pregnant Helen asked Laura if she can take her to the hospital when the time comes as she wants to give birth in a hospital bed. When she does go into labour Brittas drives her and she ends up giving birth to twins in the high street with the help of student doctors.
Series 4
Not a Good Day
The centre is celebrating Life Cycle Week and a cyclist dies before even leaving the car park. Brittas and Julie try to deal with the widow. Whilst this is happening a single parent and daughter visit the centre and find they are entitled to many discounts and end up having such a nice day that they present Brittas with flowers and said he must find his job fulfilling. Brittas also makes a citizens arrest on an 8year old child and asks Colin to lock him up. Colin mistakenly locks up Sebastian Coe with a combination lock of the dead cyclist. The child’s father wants his son back so with the help of the classical war society and a riot ensues. Laura finally hands the child back and Seb Coe makes an escape still locked to the railings.
The Christening
Brittas’ twins Mark and Mathew were christened at the centre. It did not go as planned, firstly Helen lost them whilst shopping for a hat, Carol with the help of her child’s potty and tipex did all manner of things to the Christening cake, Gordon’s brother Horatio brought his girlfriend who managed to offend everyone including Helen (She called Helen a bad mother so Helen attacked her several times). The twins were eventually found and christened by Horatio in the wash basin of the downstairs toilets.
Biggles Tells a Lie
Brittas was due to go sailing for the weekend, so Colin pretended to be the manager to impress his daughter who he had never met before and wanted to impress. All the staff are lying to her to make Colin look wonderful. Brittas appears to return a biro and ends up trying to help Tim to fix the boiler which is blocked by Carol’s cat. Helen finds a picture of herself in a lad’s mag and so Gavin is asked to dispose of it. Gavin then gets caught with the mag much to the disgust of both Tim and Brittas. Brittas eventually catches Colin and his daughter but joins in after hearing how much Colin has spoken about him and pretends that Colin is the manager.
Mr Brittas Changes Trains
Unbeknown to Brittas some of the staff visited a hypnotist coming to work still under the influence. Carol ribbiting, Linda barking and Colin declaring his love to everyone. Brittas brought in the hypnotist to deal with this and then set the hypnotist to work on Helen who had a frozen jaw (Julie was also kissing people but she wasn’t actually hypnotised rather using it as a good excuse). It didn’t work on Helen but it sent Brittas into a trance. Laura convinced the hypnotist to hypnotise Brittas long enough to get through a business meeting/meal in the evening. As soon as the clock struck midnight Brittas went back to his argumentative self much to the dismay of Laura.
Playing With Fire
It is Energy Conservation Week at the centre and so Brittas is on the lookout for excess energy usage by giving people long questionnaires to fill in. Colin is trying to save energy through using human waste in a specially designed (but highly flammable) system. In comes Gavin’s arsonist amnesiac fiancé that he hasn’t seen for five years who has escaped from a private clinic in Scotland. Gavin has a lot of explaining to do, Tim’s upset and everyone else curious. Jennifer his fiancé then tries to light fires next to Colin’s waste recycling system, Brittas upsets her and she regains her memory although is still carted off to the hospital.
Shall We Dance?
The staff are gossiping about the relationship between Brittas and Laura as he spent time round her house doing the garden in return for her cooking whilst Helen is away. Brittas complains when the staff haven’t got dates for a dance. Colin ends up bring the milk ‘lady’, Linda brings her elderly school headmaster whilst Carol waits patiently for her date who is making his way through the ventilation shaft with an engagement ring for her(although he arrives too late). Laura’s husband turns up and she takes him back, Brittas tells her she could do better, but she loves him. Helen arrives home a day early from her holiday covered in sick.
The Chop
Helen takes money from the petty cash to buy Wayne the dog. At the same time Councillor Druggit comes to the centre determined to get rid of Brittas. He goes through the accounts and realises the money is missing. Brittas is given the choice of having Helen arrested or taking the blame for it himself, which he does. Councillor Druggit also fires Carol for keeping her babies in the cupboard. Tim and Gavin squabble over a game made by Brittas.
High Noon
A sacked Brittas started a new job as a traffic attendant in at a local garage. He is quickly fired but only after he has caused major traffic chaos. The centre has been left with a new manager Alan Digby who has a far more relaxed attitude to running the centre. So when two girls go missing he doesn’t send out a search party. Brittas can’t stay away from the centre and brings in a cuckoo clock for the staff. During an argument with Alan Digby a gas pipe in the wall gets broken by a drill causing a gas leak. The centre eventually explodes as the cuckoo clock gave off a spark. Brittas who has been roughed up by a lorry driver (who was delivering more propane to the centre) is in the centre as it explodes. He ends up rescuing Ben and the two missing school girls who had sneaked off to have a smoke. Brittas ends up the hero.
Series 5
The Old, Old Story
The centre has been rebuilt and Songs of Praise is due to be filmed there. Brittas however, has kept the centre shut because of faulty pigeon holes. Brittas wouldn’t allow the army to use the centre and managed to offend them. So they let loose an emu into the centre. However Brittas and co did not realise it was a bird and thought there was a serial killer on the loose. Councillor Druggit wants Laura to tell Brittas about a job in Brussels for an European Commissioner for leisure at first Laura won’t because she is his friend but after Brittas and an emu destroy the Songs of Praise and tells her he’d be there for another 20 years but wonders if there’s something more Laura lets him find out about the job.
Blind Devotion
Colin comes into work blinded, his aunt dies, Brittas killed his canary and his accountant ran off with all his money all this on his birthday and Brittas wants to fire him. Under the guidance of Laura Colin finally gets promoted instead as he managed to unblock the toilet system. Carole spends the whole episode trying to lock people up so they will fill out questionnaires. Helen is distressed that she doesn’t want to go to Brussels, Laura tells her there may not be so many disasters in Brussels as Brittas won’t have to deal with people and then she decides she might want to go as its close to Amsterdam where there are lax drugs laws.
Brussels’ Calling
Brittas is in Brussels on a job interview. Helen has been arrested for attempted murder of her son’s teacher (who at this point is in the centre with his child’s birthday party. Helen gets over friendly with her solicitor and the man who she attempted to murder her hears her joking about her getting too the man. He then thinks Helen is out to kill him. Brittas spends most of the episode on the phone relaying instructions as the centre becomes over run with rats. They are lead away by Ben playing the recorder.
The Lies Have It
The builders are rebuilding the centre but one by one they all have accidents. It was Carol’s birthday but everyone forgot, that was until Michael T Farrell tried to cover up for Helen and made up a party for Carol. All the staff get into a series of lies trying to pretend in front of Brittas that they were at the party. Brittas finally discovers they’ve been lying and thinks it is Michael not his wife who has the affair. Michael T Farrell wants a job which impresses Laura who then announces that she is pregnant.
The Boss
Gordon has accepted the job in Brussels and won’t tell the staff he is leaving until he can see that they can cope well without him. So he and Laura take a step back and allow Gavin who has just finished training, to take control of the centre. Whilst Gavin is in charge several major catastrophes happen in the centre from a case of suspected smallpox in the swimming pool to a chemical leakage. Gavin deals with these the best he can only to discover they were made up by Brittas. During the chaos Gavin asks Tim to do menial tasks which he is not happy about and so when he is tidying a cupboard he accidentally manages to push through a wall a wheel hub which kills Carol’s rich boyfriend who has offered to take her away from the centre.
Pregnant
Brittas thinks all his staff including Tim are pregnant after mandatory drugs tests. After telling Carol that she is pregnant they think Colin is the father. Offers to marry Carol but when it is discovered that she isn’t really pregnant they don’t have to marry. Julie is also being usually kind to Brittas. It turns out that Julie dropped the specimens and so took all the tests herself so she is the only one who is pregnant.
UXB
Colin discovers an unexploded bomb in the building and tries to remove it by himself. The bomb ends up being sent to Brussels. A man from social services tries to take Carols children into care; he ends up offering her a job as a music teacher to her children. Gavin wants the job as manager Brittas offers it to Laura first before giving it to Gavin. Laura tells Brittas she is pregnant and is moving to America. Helen sees what Brussels has to offer and decides to go with Brittas.
The Last Day
Brittas is due to sign the centre over to Gavin at midday but after a dispute with the Germans it is questionable as to whether he is going. Before he leaves he asks Tim to fill up a huge water tanker encase it is needed for a fire. Carol comes back to the centre to say goodbye to Brittas she shows Laura inside the cupboard that he children lived in. Laura is amazed at the size of the cupboard until Carol tells her that she knocked a wall down to make it bigger. The filled water tank then falls through several floors, Brittas sees that Carol is where the water tank is about to fall he pushes her out of the way and is killed. After a few days in heaven they get fed up of Brittas and send him back and as they bury him he bangs on the coffin.
1994 Christmas Special
In The Beginning
The staff remembers the first New Year that they spent together in 1989 that they spent together after getting snowed in at the centre. They have to survive with no heating or food with Brittas planning moral boosting activities. They arrange to meet each year to thank Brittas for making them so successful in their future lives. We see the staff that have all become extremely successful in 2019 celebrating New Year.
Series 1
Laying the Foundations
It is Brittas’ first day at Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre. He starts the day off at home by causing an argument with his children and then with his new neighbour Pam. His wife spends the day explaining what her husband is like. Throughout his first day Brittas manages to upset the builders, (who go on strike) Councillor Dapping (the Head of the Borough Recreational Committee and the majority of the staff (many of whom resign). He ends the day being attacked during a meeting by the table tennis teacher (who throws sharpened table tennis bats and tables at him) and has his car filled with concrete.
Opening Day
It is the day that Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre is due to be opened by the Duchess of Kent. The Centre is plagued by problems; the builders discovered the swimming pool is losing 400gallons of water an hour and the boiler is not working properly. Furthermore the boiler man is an ex-navy stoker who thinks he’s back on a ship especially when the swimming pool water drips into the boiler room so he works harder to stoke up the boiler using any. Whilst all this is happening the building starts to get hotter, they are unable to open any windows and the doors have broken down. The Boy Scout who they ask to fix the doors passes out in the heat and the doors are locked, locking all the staff but Colin in who is left to greet The Duchess of Kent.
Bye Bye Baby
Helen Brittas spends the day looking after her ‘uncle Simon’ whilst Brittas is under the impression his marriage is perfect. A distraught Carole is keeping her baby, Ben in a drawer in reception. Laura takes her away from the desk and Brittas takes her up to his office. Laura removes the baby which then gets muddled up with a customer’s baby. Carole goes in search of the baby rampaging through the centre with a fire axe. Her husband appears and is shown the wrong baby, Brittas insults him and he leaves her. Meanwhile Ken Owen came to the centre to give a talk about Tranquillity without Drugs ends up loosing it after an afternoon with Brittas and an incident with the slide projector.
Underwater Wedding
An underwater wedding takes place at the centre. The best man gets his finger stuck in the pool whilst attempting to rescue the wedding ring, Brittas forgets about him whilst he is running out of water. Brittas is also interviewing Beverly Pearson whilst having to disappear mid interview to deal with Mr Appleby who is driving drunk around the centre in his wheelchair at speeds of 30mph. The staff try to block his way through the centre using cardboard boxes (which turn out to be full of chemicals which leak). In the process he drives through an ante-natal class sending women into labour and Colin manages to shoot Gavin with some sort of harpoon. Needless to say Beverly doesn’t take up the job and the rushing around leads Brittas to miss taking his wife out to celebrate their wedding anniversary.
Stop Thief Assassin
Brittas has shut the centre for the 4th time in a month because of things being stolen. He spends the day on a hunt for the thief of Carol’s £5, 3 biscuits, a sachet of shampoo, a pencil and a soap on a rope. He & then Colin in his place hides in a locker to find the culprit using his wallet as bait. The staff finally hang the locker out on the fire escape thinking Brittas is inside, Colin falls and breaks both legs. Helen visits the doctor to get more pills for her depression the doc suggests they have marriage counselling. After meeting Gordon the doc gives Helen stronger pills.
Final Episode Which for Some Reason Isn’t Listed In the DVD Box So I Don’t Know Its Title
Throughout the episode someone is trying to kill Brittas. The brakes are cut on his car leading to his wife crashing and breaking her arm. The mysterious wannabe murder turns out to be Larry who works with the choir which is down to its last few members because Brittas has scared them off. He ends up falling off the roof in his effort of trying to send Brittas off the roof. Brittas, in his efforts to get more visitors to the centre (they only had 43 over the previous weekend) devises the staff courtesy challenge cup in an aim to get his team more helpful to customers, the staff are not enthusiastic. Carol discovers she is pregnant during a tearful telephone call with her doctor. Brittas is run over by a treacle lorry and ends up bandaged in hospital. Laura tells Helen that although Brittas can be very annoying she quite likes him as he cares about the centre, so Helen puts the plug back in to enable his medical equipment to work again.
Series 2
Back From the Dead
Helen Brittas turns up at the centre to inform Laura that Gordon has been squashed to death by a steel press in a car factory in Bulgaria. As news gets round that Brittas isn’t at the centre the place fills up with the public. There’s been a case of mistaken identity as Brittas turns up alive. Carol and Colin think he’s some sort of Zombie that has taken Ben for everlasting youth. Carole chases him down in a digger and squashes his car with him stuck inside it before realising that he isn’t a zombie. Brittas returns home to find Helen in a wedding dress ready to marry a man who she met at Brittas’ funeral. Brittas is actually grateful to the groom and offers to buy him a drink for offering to marry Helen.
Temple of the Body
Brittas is on the warpath determined that he doesn’t want the centre to get a reputation of being a ‘knocking shop’. He finds a pair of pink knickers down the back of a sofa (left by his wife and Michael) and a bed in the resources cupboard (turns out to be Carol’s new home). To discover who is misbehaving he gets Colin to drill holes in the floor of his office to spy on the staff, however the holes actually appear over the changing rooms. The press (who are at the centre to take photos of Julie) discover the holes in the floor and end up photographing Brittas (who they think is some sort of sex maniac) and Carole in the cupboard. Whilst this is going on Carol is trying to discover who the father is of her baby is phoning up random members of a rugby team, whilst Laura and Helen discover Brittas is possibly the father.
An Inspector Calls
It is Helen Brittas’ birthday so Gordon bought his wife a moped with a helmet containing the words ‘hi I’m Helen’ on the front. She doesn’t like the present and decides to leave him. This is on the same day as an inspector comes to the centre. Brittas thinks he’s going to be sacked because of low visitor numbers. Laura persuades the staff not to give Brittas bad comments on their comment sheet for the inspector as she told them he knows he’s going to be sacked and his wife is leaving him. They give him nice comments only to discover the inspector is just like Brittas and isn’t bothered about numbers. He also seems impressed with Brittas’ ideas of using an eagle/cat/dog to remove a pigeon out of the gymnasium.
Set In Concrete
Brittas had his feet set in long lasting concrete after upsetting the Rotarians at their dinner the night before. Colin has to wheel him around the building whilst Brittas showed around a Graham Hanson to cure the building of ‘sick building syndrome.’ He ends up losing it in the gym and Brittas closed the centre until people bought pot plants in. Laura tries to explain to Brittas that he doesn’t listen to people properly. Linda calls in a stone mason to deal with the concrete but Brittas offends him.
Mums and Dads
Brittas invites a pianist from Leningrad to come and play at the centre. The piano gets stuck in the reception area before the pianist gets injured and is unable to play. Brittas ends up playing in the concert much to the disgust of the audience. Gordon’s father also appears giving insight to why Gordon is like what he is.
Safety First
The centre had been closed for a safety training exercise which Brittas had taken very seriously. During this exercise his wife, who had decided to stop taking all her medication, appeared wanting to give her husband a picnic in his office. As she set up the picnic counsellor Dapping arrived informing Brittas that he could not have a new fire escape. Brittas joined his wife for the picnic when a fire in the centre broke out, leaving the counsellor and many others to fall from the old fire escape. As Brittas deals with the centre members of staff bring him gifts of soup with broken glass in as a reminder from his wife that she is still waiting for him to join her in the picnic.
New Generations
Carol is 36weeks pregnant, Colin has given her figwort, a herb to bring on labour, and Brittas has just realised she’s pregnant. Brittas insists on the figwort being removed from the reception and it is eaten by a cow (which has been put behind the centre as the truck carrying it in has broken down). The cow goes into labour and the vet is called. Then Carol goes into labour, the vet was sent in to help her. She gives birth to twins in the sauna. Linda, the farmer and a passing gynaecologist delivers the calf in a squash court. Helen announces to Laura & Brittas she’s pregnant with twins. Laura and Helen realise that Brittas is Carol’s twins’ father.
Series 3
The Trial
Brittas is up in court on the following charges: 6 counts of murder, possession of 5 kilos of heroine and an unknown quantity of amphetamines (many of which his wife then took) and GBH of 4 people. On the day in question the centre was visited by drugs barons who shot each other after Brittas ended up taking into lost property the drugs, money and guns. He managed to talk one drugs runner into a squash tournament, it is this man with his new found belief in himself that came forward as a witness in court that finally got Brittas off.
That Creeping Feeling
Brittas has managed to upset a Lord Milbanks who immigrated to South America. He sent Brittas a poisonous South American tarantula through the post. The spider pops up around the centre as the staff slowly realise what was in the parcel and start to look for it. Brittas also upset the staff after photographing them whilst changing so that he could give them personal fitness and figure targets. They send him to Coventry until the spider bites Colin and Brittas sucked out the poison out of Colin.
Laura’s Leaving
Whilst Laura is in London for a job interview the centre turns into a disaster area: Colin comes to work with concussion and electrocutes everyone in the swimming pool, Helen is distressed, A man is waving a gun around the reception area insisting that he wants a cup of coffee, Carol is sacked and several members of staff offer to resign. Laura is offered the job much to Helens relief she turns it down.
Two Little Boys
A coach party from Guildford arrive at the centre and they all seem to want to fill in forms. Whilst Julie/Carol find them forms Laura discovers that the coach party are on a staff outing from a leisure centre in Guildford. Much to the amusement of Brittas’ team the day-trippers have a book: I Spy Brittas, which gives them points for every form they have to fill in and they can gain extra points if Brittas has to call the police etc… They must hit the jackpot as a mixture of Brittas, his visiting brother, (who has a crisis of confidence) several gallons of leaked oil and a box of fireworks lead to an almighty explosion.
Sex, Lies and Red Tape
Its Laura’s Birthday and her rich two timing husband turns up trying to woo her back with a pot plant. He wants her to have his baby she’s not keen and ends up so frustrated she shouts at Brittas before kissing him. Brittas is busy on a sponsored silence trying to raise money for a new trampoline before Laura’s husband gives the centre all the money needed much to Britta’s disgust. Helen has been shop lifting so her husband wants to take her back to the shop to apologise even though the people at the shop say it’s not necessary. Carol wrote a book but ended up giving it to the children to use as scrap paper.
The Stuff of Dreams
Brittas appeared at the centre pretending to be a 72year old Mr Didcot to see how the elderly are treated. He then tries to find someone who can follow his dream when he retired. Heavily pregnant Helen asked Laura if she can take her to the hospital when the time comes as she wants to give birth in a hospital bed. When she does go into labour Brittas drives her and she ends up giving birth to twins in the high street with the help of student doctors.
Series 4
Not a Good Day
The centre is celebrating Life Cycle Week and a cyclist dies before even leaving the car park. Brittas and Julie try to deal with the widow. Whilst this is happening a single parent and daughter visit the centre and find they are entitled to many discounts and end up having such a nice day that they present Brittas with flowers and said he must find his job fulfilling. Brittas also makes a citizens arrest on an 8year old child and asks Colin to lock him up. Colin mistakenly locks up Sebastian Coe with a combination lock of the dead cyclist. The child’s father wants his son back so with the help of the classical war society and a riot ensues. Laura finally hands the child back and Seb Coe makes an escape still locked to the railings.
The Christening
Brittas’ twins Mark and Mathew were christened at the centre. It did not go as planned, firstly Helen lost them whilst shopping for a hat, Carol with the help of her child’s potty and tipex did all manner of things to the Christening cake, Gordon’s brother Horatio brought his girlfriend who managed to offend everyone including Helen (She called Helen a bad mother so Helen attacked her several times). The twins were eventually found and christened by Horatio in the wash basin of the downstairs toilets.
Biggles Tells a Lie
Brittas was due to go sailing for the weekend, so Colin pretended to be the manager to impress his daughter who he had never met before and wanted to impress. All the staff are lying to her to make Colin look wonderful. Brittas appears to return a biro and ends up trying to help Tim to fix the boiler which is blocked by Carol’s cat. Helen finds a picture of herself in a lad’s mag and so Gavin is asked to dispose of it. Gavin then gets caught with the mag much to the disgust of both Tim and Brittas. Brittas eventually catches Colin and his daughter but joins in after hearing how much Colin has spoken about him and pretends that Colin is the manager.
Mr Brittas Changes Trains
Unbeknown to Brittas some of the staff visited a hypnotist coming to work still under the influence. Carol ribbiting, Linda barking and Colin declaring his love to everyone. Brittas brought in the hypnotist to deal with this and then set the hypnotist to work on Helen who had a frozen jaw (Julie was also kissing people but she wasn’t actually hypnotised rather using it as a good excuse). It didn’t work on Helen but it sent Brittas into a trance. Laura convinced the hypnotist to hypnotise Brittas long enough to get through a business meeting/meal in the evening. As soon as the clock struck midnight Brittas went back to his argumentative self much to the dismay of Laura.
Playing With Fire
It is Energy Conservation Week at the centre and so Brittas is on the lookout for excess energy usage by giving people long questionnaires to fill in. Colin is trying to save energy through using human waste in a specially designed (but highly flammable) system. In comes Gavin’s arsonist amnesiac fiancé that he hasn’t seen for five years who has escaped from a private clinic in Scotland. Gavin has a lot of explaining to do, Tim’s upset and everyone else curious. Jennifer his fiancé then tries to light fires next to Colin’s waste recycling system, Brittas upsets her and she regains her memory although is still carted off to the hospital.
Shall We Dance?
The staff are gossiping about the relationship between Brittas and Laura as he spent time round her house doing the garden in return for her cooking whilst Helen is away. Brittas complains when the staff haven’t got dates for a dance. Colin ends up bring the milk ‘lady’, Linda brings her elderly school headmaster whilst Carol waits patiently for her date who is making his way through the ventilation shaft with an engagement ring for her(although he arrives too late). Laura’s husband turns up and she takes him back, Brittas tells her she could do better, but she loves him. Helen arrives home a day early from her holiday covered in sick.
The Chop
Helen takes money from the petty cash to buy Wayne the dog. At the same time Councillor Druggit comes to the centre determined to get rid of Brittas. He goes through the accounts and realises the money is missing. Brittas is given the choice of having Helen arrested or taking the blame for it himself, which he does. Councillor Druggit also fires Carol for keeping her babies in the cupboard. Tim and Gavin squabble over a game made by Brittas.
High Noon
A sacked Brittas started a new job as a traffic attendant in at a local garage. He is quickly fired but only after he has caused major traffic chaos. The centre has been left with a new manager Alan Digby who has a far more relaxed attitude to running the centre. So when two girls go missing he doesn’t send out a search party. Brittas can’t stay away from the centre and brings in a cuckoo clock for the staff. During an argument with Alan Digby a gas pipe in the wall gets broken by a drill causing a gas leak. The centre eventually explodes as the cuckoo clock gave off a spark. Brittas who has been roughed up by a lorry driver (who was delivering more propane to the centre) is in the centre as it explodes. He ends up rescuing Ben and the two missing school girls who had sneaked off to have a smoke. Brittas ends up the hero.
Series 5
The Old, Old Story
The centre has been rebuilt and Songs of Praise is due to be filmed there. Brittas however, has kept the centre shut because of faulty pigeon holes. Brittas wouldn’t allow the army to use the centre and managed to offend them. So they let loose an emu into the centre. However Brittas and co did not realise it was a bird and thought there was a serial killer on the loose. Councillor Druggit wants Laura to tell Brittas about a job in Brussels for an European Commissioner for leisure at first Laura won’t because she is his friend but after Brittas and an emu destroy the Songs of Praise and tells her he’d be there for another 20 years but wonders if there’s something more Laura lets him find out about the job.
Blind Devotion
Colin comes into work blinded, his aunt dies, Brittas killed his canary and his accountant ran off with all his money all this on his birthday and Brittas wants to fire him. Under the guidance of Laura Colin finally gets promoted instead as he managed to unblock the toilet system. Carole spends the whole episode trying to lock people up so they will fill out questionnaires. Helen is distressed that she doesn’t want to go to Brussels, Laura tells her there may not be so many disasters in Brussels as Brittas won’t have to deal with people and then she decides she might want to go as its close to Amsterdam where there are lax drugs laws.
Brussels’ Calling
Brittas is in Brussels on a job interview. Helen has been arrested for attempted murder of her son’s teacher (who at this point is in the centre with his child’s birthday party. Helen gets over friendly with her solicitor and the man who she attempted to murder her hears her joking about her getting too the man. He then thinks Helen is out to kill him. Brittas spends most of the episode on the phone relaying instructions as the centre becomes over run with rats. They are lead away by Ben playing the recorder.
The Lies Have It
The builders are rebuilding the centre but one by one they all have accidents. It was Carol’s birthday but everyone forgot, that was until Michael T Farrell tried to cover up for Helen and made up a party for Carol. All the staff get into a series of lies trying to pretend in front of Brittas that they were at the party. Brittas finally discovers they’ve been lying and thinks it is Michael not his wife who has the affair. Michael T Farrell wants a job which impresses Laura who then announces that she is pregnant.
The Boss
Gordon has accepted the job in Brussels and won’t tell the staff he is leaving until he can see that they can cope well without him. So he and Laura take a step back and allow Gavin who has just finished training, to take control of the centre. Whilst Gavin is in charge several major catastrophes happen in the centre from a case of suspected smallpox in the swimming pool to a chemical leakage. Gavin deals with these the best he can only to discover they were made up by Brittas. During the chaos Gavin asks Tim to do menial tasks which he is not happy about and so when he is tidying a cupboard he accidentally manages to push through a wall a wheel hub which kills Carol’s rich boyfriend who has offered to take her away from the centre.
Pregnant
Brittas thinks all his staff including Tim are pregnant after mandatory drugs tests. After telling Carol that she is pregnant they think Colin is the father. Offers to marry Carol but when it is discovered that she isn’t really pregnant they don’t have to marry. Julie is also being usually kind to Brittas. It turns out that Julie dropped the specimens and so took all the tests herself so she is the only one who is pregnant.
UXB
Colin discovers an unexploded bomb in the building and tries to remove it by himself. The bomb ends up being sent to Brussels. A man from social services tries to take Carols children into care; he ends up offering her a job as a music teacher to her children. Gavin wants the job as manager Brittas offers it to Laura first before giving it to Gavin. Laura tells Brittas she is pregnant and is moving to America. Helen sees what Brussels has to offer and decides to go with Brittas.
The Last Day
Brittas is due to sign the centre over to Gavin at midday but after a dispute with the Germans it is questionable as to whether he is going. Before he leaves he asks Tim to fill up a huge water tanker encase it is needed for a fire. Carol comes back to the centre to say goodbye to Brittas she shows Laura inside the cupboard that he children lived in. Laura is amazed at the size of the cupboard until Carol tells her that she knocked a wall down to make it bigger. The filled water tank then falls through several floors, Brittas sees that Carol is where the water tank is about to fall he pushes her out of the way and is killed. After a few days in heaven they get fed up of Brittas and send him back and as they bury him he bangs on the coffin.
1994 Christmas Special
In The Beginning
The staff remembers the first New Year that they spent together in 1989 that they spent together after getting snowed in at the centre. They have to survive with no heating or food with Brittas planning moral boosting activities. They arrange to meet each year to thank Brittas for making them so successful in their future lives. We see the staff that have all become extremely successful in 2019 celebrating New Year.
